Like a picture I observed for a long time, one close up May 10, 2007

My roommates present and future are creating wonderful things. Shadowbox press just released Woody’s Chapbook, and John’s biggest show to date is tonight at The Mercury Lounge.

Their endeavors look good side by side. Maybe they should be the ones living together.

I thought that today, with Protestants and Catholics setting aside differences and guns in Northern Ireland, I would take another virtual stab at problem solving.

This just in:

dear trybecca,
given the nature of your blog, which outlines the evolution of a woman in her prime, i thought you might have some insight on a recently evolved situation i’m facing in my life….

ok - so in the past year or so, i have lost A LOT of weight. you could possibly equate it to losing karen carpenter, right before she died (how does it always come back to karen???). anyway, i have always been a social ‘binge’ drinker if you will, in that i drink to get a buzz or to get drunk when i’m out with friends at a bar. truth is, it’s just fun. but after losing the weight - i find that i’m drinking like i always did - out of sheer habit - expecting my body to metabolize the alcohol in the same way it did before the weight loss, and it doesn’t. now this wouldn’t be a huge problem, except that i have found that the part of my brain that kept up my inhibited side seems to disappear when i drink this much. basically, i’ve
done things that i never thought i would do in this state - licked men’s (that is plural) ears without a sexual advance present, literally gone up to men and just started tonguing them… and the truth is, sometimes i don’t even remember doing it at all. my friends tell me the next
day, under a gale of laughter, of course. they don’t understand how hard it has been for me to make this adjustment for my new body - they just think i’m a cheap drunk! though i know that avoiding the booze in its entirety is not the answer for me, i do know that it’s my job to try and learn my new drinking limits, but i am finding that this is a process that is taking time. in the mean time, beyond telling them, how can i convince my friends that this
uninhibited crazy sexual animal they see their friend turn into is a really just a challenging new symptom of my weight loss?
sincerely,
apparently not in my wildest dreams

Dear I’m Not an Alcoholic, I’m Just Skinny,
Let me begin by congratulating you on the weight loss!

Yes, you’re stuck between a margarita-on-the-rocks and a hard place. But the best part of hooking up is remembering it. If you’re blacking out and relying on your friends to piece together the exploits of the uninhibited sexual animal–well, where’s the fun in that? You could just stay at home with a bottle of Trader Joe’s, pass out, and have your friends invent embarrassments.

Socializing and drinking go hand in hand, not tongue in ear. Maybe after you read this you’ll think twice before approaching strange men, or at least pick a canal-less body part to probe. Licking the chin, while not as sexy, is certainly safer.

I like the Rilke poem “I Am Much Too Alone in This World, Yet Not Alone.” I was re-reading it today and what you wrote me sprang to mind. If I am a woman evolving, it’s because I’ve come to court the particulars of my personality and my sexual choices. I haven’t always been proud of those choices. I’m still not always proud. I’m just trying to be more cognizant of detail, and when I am, I like how the world isn’t quite as blurry. It’s exciting, being on the drink of thirty. I mean brink. These things take time, you’re right. Be safe, but don’t be too hard on yourself. Hey, I’m the girl who had a one night stand with a circus clown!

Alcohol is awesome, but listen to Rilke: “I want to describe myself like a picture I observed for a long time, one close up.” I aspire to this. If you meet men, and continually can’t articulate the beautiful self that is you in any coherent way—if you can’t describe that picture, or if you’re forgetting it because you’re drunk— you’re missing out. You “want to be among those in the know, or else be alone.” That means if you’re blacking out, put on pajamas and watch 50 First Dates instead.

You’re just getting used to a new skin, which sounds tougher than expected, but hang in there. Give yourself permission to fall in love with your new body, but set parameters. You’re aware of your behavior, which means you’re a smart cookie. Have a friend cut you off when you start eyeing ears. If you have a couple friends who are willing to be on ear patrol, you don’t have to worry about justifying future tongueing. Here’s to nipping this in the Budweiser!

Also, I suggest avoiding drinks with straws because you’ll get drunk faster.

Good luck,
Trybecca