Britney, Wish Big!

I think people live up to their last names. Who hasn’t known a chubby Whaley or a bi-polar Moody? I feel sorry for Britney. Not because of KFed or crotch shots or Promises or custody battles or half-cocked umbrellas. Right now I feel sorry for Britney because she broke down and shaved her head and her last name just happens to rhyme with shears. That pun is carte blanche for public ridicule. What if Anna Nicole’s last name rhymed with drug overdose in Hard Rock? Anna Nicole Klugstoverbose-bin-Fardstock.

Who’s next? I have a few Daily News predictions.

John Bayer: Pop star OD’s on aspirin after Simpson-induced headache!
mayer.jpgbayer-aspirin.jpg

Salma Kayak: Sus macrabro! Mexican beauty flips over on location in Cancun, clings to rock for dear life.
salma.jpgkayak-02.jpg

Mariah Dairy: Butterfly singer hospitalized after bad buttermilk biscuit.
mariah.jpgbuttermilk-19410.jpg

Mariah got that biscuit here.

Britney needs to recognize the positive power of her last name.

Can’t you see it? Britney Sears: Wish Big. She could totally take over that 12 year old’s role and make fun of KFed’s music and sell home electronics. She and Ty Pennington would be so cute together, y’all!

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3 responses to “Britney, Wish Big!

  1. Your friend Megan suggested that I check out your blog and I am glad I did. You have perhaps the most off-kilter perverted sense of humor I have ever encountered. Please keep us the good work and for god’s sake, if some nutty psychiatrist tries to throw a wet blanket over your creative fires with some pharmaceutical cocktail, go borrow the famous Hemingway suicide gun and shoot him or her in the kneecap.

  2. tom spanks: tom hanks caught in a dominatrix dungeon with pants down.

    halle hairy: halle berry pulls a ‘young socialite getting out to the car with no undies’ only for us to find she is au naturale.

    tom poos: tom cruise, not even gunna touch this one…(same category as brad shit)

  3. How about…

    Corinne Bailey’s Rae: UK born pop singer writes catchy pop tunes over a plethora of Irish Creme.

    Master Tea: Rapper Master P knows you ain’t gangsta if you ain’t sippin’ some of that earl grey.

    Andy Dick: Wait.. Nothing changed…

    Norm McDonald’s: What better way to bring out the laughter than watching this comedian pound Big Macs until he goes into a Cardial Arrest?

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