My roommate Woody tutors Teyana, a singer/rapper signed to Pharell’s Star Trek label. He is her entire 10th grade education. This makes Woody cool. Not only does he now hold a deeper understanding of electron charge and the Constitution, but I bet he can do the Chicken Noodle Soup dance. Teyana’s really good at it. So is this kid:
Sometimes Woody and Teyana play Scrabble at a West Village coffee shop, or meet at the Museum of Natural History to discuss dioramas. Completely not fair. Once, he even taught her that a diamond grill cuts glass.
Teyana is super talented and super sweet. I know, because I went to her Super Sweet 16 MTV birthday bash at the New York Hall of Science. I met her in the bathroom and I didn’t even time her! Her party was 80s themed skateboard R&B, and featured interactive science exhibits where you could surf and throw a curve ball and wheelchair race. We were the only white people there. I really wanted to get on MTV, but despite my loud wheelchair racing, it didn’t happen. Teyana hired a highschool marching band and Disney dancers and made her grand entrance as a doll in a carriage. My boyfriend and I had just broken up (see Valentine’s Day post) so I drank too much in the VIP room, gorged myself on popcorn shrimp, and thought back to my own Sweet 16 almost half-a-life ago, when my mother surprised me with my four best friends, a Subway sandwich platter, and balloons. We couldn’t stop talking about the touring production of Cats we’d just seen. Wearing cat ears.
That was about the most middling Sweet 16 imaginable.
Our episode aired on Monday, and yeah, we didn’t get any screen time. I was blocked by a bodyguard for most of the taping anyway. But we did take some poor quality MySpace photos.
You can read a detailed account of the episode here.
I’m planning my own Super Sweet 30 in late May. Hopefully, I’ll be with my three best girlfriends, on a Carribbean beach, with a little pointy drink umbrella hitting my cheek each time I take a sip because I’m too lazy to sit up, and I’ll have downloaded “Jammin'” as my cell phone ring, and I’ll be hearing it alot because the lanky 21 year old islander club DJ won’t quit calling me, mon!
My beach vacation is only three months away. What haven’t I accomplished in my twenties? I’ve never eaten blowfish. Should I? If you have an adventurous suggestion, that involves minimal effort and money, please email me. I’ll be documenting these firsts in my blog.