The Hurrier I Go, The Behinder I Get

Josh taught me how to check my blog stats through WordPress. I discovered that most of my readership, aside from subscriptions, comes from the Google search term “nude in public.” I sort of feel the way I always imagined I would if I had a novel and that novel were available in WalGreens. On the one hand, you’re popular enough to be sold in a drugstore. On the other hand, you’re being sold in a drugstore.

Over Memorial Day Weekend I wrote a post that featured one of my friends, shirtless at a BBQ and drunk in a rose bush, wearing leaves as pasties. I used the words “nude in public.” I feel kinda sorry for internet voyeurs who arrive at Trybecca by accident. I want to give them something to make it worth their click, some immediate gratification, and yet I don’t want my blog to get too dirty. I have to draw the line somewhere. I certainly can’t cater to the 1 person a day who winds up here by typing in “nude fucking.” (Is it the same amnesic fool every day? And isn’t “nude” the default for fucking?)

But here’s a little something for all of you one-handed typists out there…

“ball licking”

ball-licking.jpg

“eating out at the pink taco”

pinktaco.jpg

“strap it on the ass”
(as in: “Honey, do we have room in the car for this suitcase?”
“No. Just strap it on the ass.”)

ass.jpg

“fistik”
(It’s Turkish slang for a woman with a firm butt but literally means pistachio nut. For my horny hookah traffic.)

fistik.jpg

“one-eyed snake trying to get off”
(Its one eye looks terrified. I don’t think it wants to stay on.)

snake.jpg

“petite woman in red tossing salad”

salad.jpg

“the hurrier I go, the behinder I get”
(I found this in our office. I think it’s nasty Puritan talk. I’m pretty sure Abigail says it to John Proctor in The Crucible.)

hurrier.jpg

Now that all you voyeuristic ball-licking salad-tossing ass-strapping Turks are gathered ’round the blog table, take a second to subscribe to Trybecca. Then, take ten minutes out of your lunch break (maybe the ten minutes you normally spend Googling “Nude in Public”?) and write a poem, and send that poem to LunchPoemProject@gmail.com.

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6 responses to “The Hurrier I Go, The Behinder I Get

  1. Next Office Activity: Salad Tossing with a One-Eyed Snake strapped on an Ass. Yee-haw!

  2. Oh, I’ve been reading you for ages, but am slack at commenting, sorry about that! This totally cracked me up, by the way. People come to my blog to read about GOLF. WTF?!! I hate golf. Oh, that’s right- that’s what they find when they get to that page- sort of… *smirk*

  3. Funny post Becca! I bet that “you know you want to” has something to do with the rando-porno search hits that send mouse clicks to your blog. I always wondered how you’ve gotten tens of thousands of hits. That’s a backward compliment my literate, poetic webfriend. The cute pix of you in your About space are enough to keep the average ADD web surfer there for one or two more clicks maybe? My cynical view dictates that the average web surfer doesn’t have the patience for poetry.

    Those Puritans were truly, truly filthy!!

  4. LMAO! Great post. You’re blog hits are sure to increase by .25 percent.

  5. You do know “The hurrier I go, the behinder I get” is from Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, right?

  6. Regarding: “The Hurrier I go…” That’s what I thought, but how do I prove it?

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