Late-Beaking Coverage of the Iowa Flood

Erro again, Interweblings. It’s me, Snunshine, coming to you plush from Iowa City. It’s pretty rough here, as you can see:

The waters are blue. Bright bright awful butt-staining blue.

Why am I in Iowa City, you ask? Why aren’t I somewhere with lots of eggs, so I can sit on them? Well, Girl sent me here to take care of Dan while he was teaching at some bullshit camp thing that didn’t happen because of a little water. He should have taught at this camp:

But then Dan promised me a whole carton of eggs if I’d help with the flood. So, I built this myself:

That used to be how persons walked to the English-Philosophy Building, where they learned about me (remember? I’m a Philosopher-King. With a sweet disaster of a beak.)

So after that we decided to check out the other side of the river, which turned out to be pretty well fucked. In a totally legal move, we went over the bridge

and down the road

to capture some shocking photos:

Do you see that? No, not my sweet plumage, which is particularly magnificent in the reflected light of destruction, but thanks for noticing. No, the big story: not a single fucking egg! Calling bullshit on this whole flood thing, I started heading home.

Dan was all like, “um, Snun, you’re going the wrong way,” but I follow my beak. My awesomely crooked monstrosity of a beak.

After this Dan was like, “ugh, the lower half of my body is soaked,” which is funny because I was perfectly dry. Dan doesn’t know how to go through underpasses.

So, being a big Mary, Dan gave up on following the bike path here:

I don’t know what “reading signs” is, but doing it seemed to make Dan a coward. So we went back the way we’d come, stopping at the local food Co-Op for my carton of eggs. But what did we find? The Co-Op was wrapped in plastic and hiding behind a pile of sandbags. Calling double-bullshit, I sat down with my pet human, Marty, and started planning a break-in.

Marty can help. He’s a ninja.

Anything else you’d like to see me cover? Just email me here at my, er, I mean Girl’s, blog.

(Also, Sex and The City is bullshit.)

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5 responses to “Late-Beaking Coverage of the Iowa Flood

  1. Hey, Becca. This is totally random. I honestly don’t remember where I found your blog; I think someone must have linked it somewhere and I thought “Hey, that’s cool” and added it to my RSS reader.

    Anyway, imagine my surprise — I think I know Marty. He used to live in Pittsburgh, right? Maybe not. Pittsburgh is strange like that — people pop up in the weirdest places and… I figured it was possible.

  2. wow, with your affinity and talent for personifying stuffed animals, save a couple of swear words and you could have a future in authoring children’s books. “Snunshine Penguin and the BIG Flood.” Sounds like a good title to me! Maybe not Newberry Medal material, but at least something you’d see on Reading Rainbow. Is it mere coincidence that a good friend of ours works for Penguin Books publishing??? I think not. It’s fate.

  3. I second Megan’s comment on Snunshine. I’d keep the swear words though, fuck the Newberry. Maybe Snunshine should try some Pinkberry instead?

  4. Dan Sandbagger

    Hey! I actually built that fucking wall! And it wasn’t easy, either! It took me and like 300 Amish guys almost all day….

    And I don’t appreciate some Pseudo-penguin going around and hogging all the credit! There were raging floodwaters, for Chrissakes…..

    Oh, Becca…..I can’t stay mad at you! I don’t mind if your delusional penguin prances around like the King of Siam. As long as the eggs stayed dry, that’s all that really matters, right?

    LotsaLuv…….Dan 1.0

  5. Pingback: Four Calling Birds « TryBecca (You know you want to.)

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