Erro there, interweblings. This is Snunshine. I’m a Philosopher King turned Trail Master.
Today I went raspberry picking on Long Island with Dan and Girl. It was good to get some fresh air since I’ve been cooped up all weekend with Sydney.
Sydney is the bullshit koala bear Dan got for free on Emirates Airlines. Sydney is supposed to comfort small crying children, but he’s a grotesque abomination. After he tried to chew on my new Masai war stick I pulled off his face. That pretty much shut him up. Also, he looks like John McCain, who is no media darling.
So, anyway, Dan and Girl and I left Sydney
stuffed in an exhaust pipe at home and went looking for raspberries. We only needed a colander and my heightened penguin sense of smell. Jackpot!
Here I am pointing out a raspberry. You can tell it’s a raspberry and not a blackberry or a blueberry because of its rasp color.
Soon, I led the group off-road to a choice location.
It was a berry bonanza!
Dan and Girl and Dan’s friend Geoffy were absolutely no help. Girl kept saying to Dan “I’ll give you a raspberry!,” but then all she’d do was lift up his shirt and make pffff noises on his belly. And that Geoffy, man, he just ran around in circles showing off his opposable thumbs.
I made sure to give him the flipper. Dan, too. He wouldn’t stop eating the fruit of my labor.
Well, after I picked every single berry, leaving the bushes pretty much fucked, I did my Hannibal Lecter impression.
Sydney is especially fond of it, seeing as to how I recently pulled off his coy little koala face and wore it myself.
trespassing raspberry picking, Dan and Girl were tired out and brambled — Girl got a thorn in her side and I made a joke under my breath — but I still forced convinced them to construct a raspberry red carpet for me.
After picking seeds out of my butt, I baked a raspberry crumble. Girl tried to pass it off as her own, but she merely turned the pages of the Martha Stewart Cookbook. I had that recipe memorized, anyway.
All in all it was pretty fun. Any adventures you’d like to see me go on?