Karaoke Kills

Dan and I have been adopted by a snaggle-toothed black and white cat. She sauntered into our house one afternoon while we were unpacking and proceeded to use our living room sofa as a scratching post. She’s obese and declawed, both of which suggest an owner — but there’s no collar, and she drops by at odd hours. I named her Karaoke based on my belief that calling a cat should be fun. And it is fun. I open the screen door and shout “Karaoke!” Karaoke!” into the dark of night, in hopes that some drunk hippie might appear on our porch all fired up to sing Country Joe and The Fish.

Cute, right? Makes you want to cuddle with her in a papasan chair, maybe have her knead your lap while you sip on Sleepytime and read Lilian Jackson Braun — until you realize this is a picture Dan took of Karaoke killing a baby bunny. The salad on her chin is for show. There’s blood-lust in those almond eyes.

For two nights in a row, Karaoke has brought us dinner. Tuesday’s bunny almost made it into the house. Dan and I were watching The X-files , so you can imagine just how much higher I jumped with that theme song in the background. Also, I think Karaoke is part of a large government conspiracy.

Dan documented Kitty’s First Picnic on camera.

Here she is, looking like she just scored the winning touchdown. (There’s a game joke in there somewhere.)

Dan created a Picasa album simply titled: “Karaoke Hunts a Bunny.” It lets our friends and family see how busy we are in Iowa. Think of it as The Velveteen Rabbit in reverse.

I didn’t know how to stop the slaughter, so I ran into the kitchen and came back with a can of tuna. In retrospect, it wasn’t the brightest idea to use Chicken of the Sea as a diversionary tactic, but what can I say. I panicked.

Now she expects surf and turf.

There are a few shots of me, barefoot and pigeon-toed, in my gaudy vacation dress, holding a dustpan, trying to figure out what exactly one does with a dying bunny.

(One should leave it alone?)

It’s supposedly a sign of great affection for your cat to bring you its prey. I did a lot of online reading . Spayed females in particular see a meal “to-go” as an opportunity to school you in the ways of the hunt. It’s half carnivorous instinct, half maternal. You’re an owner but you’re also a kitten. I guess I can relate to that. I like to bake banana bread for Dan and serve it on kid sized plates. And Dan did just buy the child’s tool kit, in the shape of a truck, from Ace Hardware. After he assembled my bookshelf, he packed up his tools and went “Vroom, vroom.” (Man, that one’s gonna cost me.)


6 responses to “Karaoke Kills

  1. Ok. For the record, I had to buy new tools because Becca’s version of “helping Dan pack” involved throwing out all of my tools. I held out hope for a while, thinking, “surely she wouldn’t have done such a thing. Granted, for a while the only things hanging on our walls were framed butterflies, but Becca wouldn’t take her quest for my emasculation so far as to throw out my tools!” But no, they’re gone, and Jimmy’s First Tool Truck was on sale, and I needed a friggin’ hammer, ok? Ok. Phew, if I keep at this, I’m going to get in trouble, so I’m just going to back out now. *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!*

  2. Wanton tool destruction is a fire-able offense. We’re operating under the “three strikes” system here.

    You’re on notice.

    (Dan, if you get lonely for your tools, you’re welcome to come sit in my man-cave and look around at mine. I even have a table saw. Vroom vroom.)

  3. I’m scared of that thing! And did you really leave the bunny there to decompose in the grass? It’s going to haunt your house!

  4. Actually, with the first bunny, I took her out onto the back porch and tried to rehabilitate her. She appeared to only have surface wounds and a broken leg, so I put out fresh basil and water and kept Karaoke away. Alas, she died the next morning. I let Karaoke eat the second bunny on our lawn. Not sure which is more humane in the long run.

  5. I think you guys have way too much time on your hands!!
    Can’t wait to finally get my first taste of Iowa.
    BTW,let’s not have rabbit for dinner.

  6. Rebecca…one question- how do you throw out a set of tools? Dan, help me out here, did the tool set resemble garbage? Were you storing your tools in a beat-up shoebox or an old grocery bag? Because generally tool sets are in some sort of plastic or metal carrying case, and they’re HEAVY. How does such a thing end up in the trash? I must know.

    You two crack me up. From putting olives on to-do lists to renaming bizarre kitchenware to kiddie tool sets…sounds like cohabitation is fun! 🙂 love, Meggie

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